Have you ever talked to a person who wanted to convince you that (s)he is right at all costs and that (s)he knows everything?
Well, it has happened to me many times… And before, I simply did not have much patience with such persons; but since I changed my profession and became a coach I feel intrigued and want to see where goes this need to prove at all costs that they are right and that I acknowledge it, as well!
Is there an inner conflict?
I would say: yes!!
I think there is an inner conflict between the need to affirm yourself, which means to say what you know and what you want even if this might lead to the risk of not being liked by everyone or even judged or labelled by others, and the need for approval, which means to forget your inner standards and what you really like and dislike and say what others want to hear only for you to get their approval and to stay part of the group!
When it comes to the need to assert oneself, it is actually the need to prove that they know and may be something reminiscent of childhood when they were probably told by those who raised them that they do not know, that they are small and need to grow up, that they are not able etc.
Yes, these messages from parents or those who raised the little ones can leave traces forever. Obviously, it depends on each child how (s)he interpreted these messages and how each one appropriates them. Some children may become more ambitious, study more, show that they can and that they know; while other children might self-label that they cannot do anything on their own and they remain in mediocrity for the rest of their lives.
What is to be done?
The first step to take is probably when you see that you have a certain reaction when you contradict somebody, just search within to see what awakens this desire to contradict or to convince anyone that you are right and you are omniscient!
After digging and seeing what the truth is, after realizing what beast aroused in you, only then you will be able to strategically determine which reaction you will have from that moment on. You can decide either not to interact anymore with the person who wants to prove at all costs that (s)he knows better or you can ask for concrete and tangible arguments, but in a very calm, peaceful and even friendly tone. Later, if you are the one wrong and your interlocutor proves to be right, it is desirable to go further and dig to see what exactly was awaken within you and evidently to draw the necessary conclusions.
Last but not least, whatever you find out about yourself, try not to judge yourself too harshly. Accept yourself with all the imperfections you have, because this fact proves that you are human and that you are on the right path to becoming your best version and identify which is the behaviour that you need to change.
If it turns out that you were right in confronting the ideas and arguments, it is wonderful to have an elegance and not to insist or even humiliate your discussion partner only because you were the right and (s)he was wrong ...
In the end, we are all human and we are all on the path of self-transformation to become the best versions of ourselves in different rhythms, depending on each of us.
My conclusion is that we are all beocomig the best versions of ourselves like BUTTERFLIES!
We all have so much to improve and this is where our greatest strength is, namely our ability to accept ourselves with our imperfections and vulnerabilities as human beings and to identify what needs to be change for the better us.
Good luck on the self-discovery path and let me know if you resonated with what I wrote here or if you have another opinion!
Monica Dimitriu
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